George’s Principles of Recovery

1.It is never too late to have a happy childhood
Struggles in life always are a result of unresolved pain from our childhood. It is possible to heal from our childhood pain. Recovery can only happen to the degree that our childhood pain is resolved.

2.Recovery is a two stage process.
Stage one refers to quitting the problem behaviors. Stage two is about changing the toxic patterns that lead to my problem behaviors. Most people in recovery focus too much on the problem behaviors and not enough on the underlying negative patterns.

3. The only way to change our toxic patterns is by changing our thinking.
We tend to use only 10% of our neuropathways in our brain. Recovery requires us to be able to notice our thinking patterns and learn to find alternative neuropathways for our thought patterns.

4. My husband’s affair is the best thing that ever happened to me.
This is an example of principle 3. Our cultural belief/ teaching is that my husband’s affair is a terrible thing. If we need to hold on to this (toxic) belief, we are destined to hang on to the feelings that unwittingly keep us from resolving our past and move into a positive future. We need to be able to “turn the crystal” and find an alternative lens through which to view our self and our life.

5. Most of my clients are right brain people who were taught by linear parents that they had to play life by the left brain rules of the mainstream culture.
Recovery requires me to start to recognize my right brain soul, to claim and embrace my right brain self, to stop trying to fit into the greater culture to be ok. And to integrate my thinking, my support system, and my behavior around my right brain self.

6. Bill W. has taught us that support system is everything.
None of us can recover by holding on to toxic relationships with family of birth and/ or using friends. Recovery requires us to develop three or four healthy relationships with recovering people. Those relationships are emotionally honest, trusting, and hold us accountable in loving and compassionate ways.

7. The willingness to be misperceived.
Recovery requires us to be less invested in what others think of me. As long as my self is oriented outside of me rather than inside myself, I cannot change my life.

8. Recovery often requires me to limit my connections with my birth family and childhood and/ or using friends.
I need to take a relationship audit, and choose to spend less time with those who don’t support my changes, and more time with those who do support my new, inner, right brain self. denial

9.One framework for understanding the recovery process is Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grieving:, denial, depression, anger, sadness, and acceptance.
Anger is almost always the stage that is the greatest obstacle to recovery.

10. Behavior change is a three step process: intellectual, behavioral, and emotional.
90% of problem solving is problem finding. Once we understand the change process intellectually, behavior change and feeling better are almost inevitable.

11. The concept of Higher Power is crucial to recovery in that we must move beyond our self-centered, self-absorbed world view that is pre-recovery.